nauyil's Xanga Site

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Hi,

Quite a happening week for me.

Went to eat bean paste fish head with my mother on tuesday.

Sometimes I wish I have more things to say to my mom. I just feel that I need to hide so many things from her.

- xoxo -

Went out to drink with R and his friends - Jonathan (His Pri Sch friend), Kelly (another IRO) and Ym ( <- the girl who I suspect likes him!)

R's car. I wish I can ride in it more often =/

The pub has free flow of Chang Beer from 7pm to 9pm at S$12.60. The beer is quite tasteless! R's treat. Of course. Anyway he taught me how to play dice drinking games. Quite fun!

Sadly, I had a bad stomach that night. Ym kinda took care of me.. Bought me charcoal pills to eat. I felt quite odd that she took care of me =| like an indication, "hey you are R's friend so its my duty." Hahaha.

SERIOUS! I am not being sensitive! She took my alcohol drink as well! She is the kind who never drinks alcohol but she took my drink on my behalf that night =| SO ODD.

Buay ta-han. R never show exception interest in her tho.

Anyway R smoke like 1 cigarette per hour. According to many, they say that amount is considered little lo. HUHHH. He made me smell of smoke lah. Argh!

Anyway its a pity that because I had a bad stomach, R stopped me from drinking :(

In fact! I was actually quite pissed when he took my drink away. Maybe its just me being the little girl who so rarely get the opportunity to drink Martini, Whiskey blah blah and he took my chance away :(

- xoxo -

Anyway had a gathering with OAC because YL is leaving Singapore for a year.

I will miss her definitely.

I guess the OAC people will probably be the people I will hang out forever ba.

I really appreciate to have this bunch of people. I won't say I am damn close to all of them... Just that I have seen the best and probably the worst of some of them... And yes they have definitely seen my tears.. and they have also seen the best of me...

Last time I told myself that I will absent myself from the gatherings if Kit is around... But now I feel... I need this bunch of friends. I can depend on them.

I really hope to forge a stronger friendship with them in time to come.

Oh and I am so glad that Kai Sheng is back. My chee-na buddy! So good to have another NTU friend, hehehe. And he cycles! Rocks.

Our cycling "trip" haha. Quite shiok. I have no pressure when I cycle with him :)

- xoxo -

Anyway lifeguards team got so many problems. Sigh made me so turned-off. I just want to compete. I will like whoever who benefits me. If he/she benefits me, he/she will definitely benefit the team.

If only I can wear tampon. Argh! Then I won't need to miss trainings.

Competition in 2 weeks.

Friday, 03 July 2009

today i drove r, jon & amos to sheng siong at bedok reservoir area.

after dropping jon & amos for recruitment there, r and i drove off to other sheng siong for recce.

we went to.. loyang, serangoon, boon keng, tekka and tanjong katong.

r was very shagged because he had to drive for a damn long period of time.

look at his expression, damn sleepy lor.

we had lunch at changi v tho. damn good slice fish bee hoon.

but aiyo i witness r smoke 4 times. arghhh.

r told me his jc and poly stories, damn interesting.

scary to know his past tho.

i tink tis other girl likes him, lol, but he kept 'pushing' her to the other temps, like jon and amos.

must have been so odd to the poor girl.

------------------------------------

back at home.

gosh i cried.

sigh. i wana scream..

its so hard for me to handle my feelings.

Thursday, 02 July 2009

went out for dinner with Mavis.

Mavis is my friend since Primary 2.

dinner at waraku pasta! yummy. spoilt for choices (expensive tho :( )

my final decision

sukiyaki pasta

Mavis and her food.. special order..

sashimi gratin (don't know if I got the name right...)

went to walk around marina and suntec. updated each other on our own lives.

tired feet. but i enjoyed the company.

at least i meet up with her like once a year at least.

what about my best friend? :(

today i was sad at work. was rather lonely because both amos & r are out of office.

got screwed by 2 sheng siong aunties too.

sighs.

and...

"bitter heart, shadows will try to help you hide."

honestly i am not coping well.

Wednesday, 01 July 2009

Anyway went out for a movie with a ex-hall friend, Wei Yang.

I haven't met him since 1 year ago.

He changed quite a bit. Tattoo. Little mustache. Brown hair.

Looks like ah beng huh? (He is wearing formal actually)

Fortunately he seems to be the same old him a year back.

Looks better huh.

Oh well I realized he is damn tall! 180 + ?

A random photo of my colleague, Amos, at work.

Yummy wafu spaghetti from MegaBites NUS.

Haha life ain't happening this days.

Ohh well... These few days I have been working and working and working.

I like working because it keeps my mind off matters.

Hopefully I can get used to life being just me, myself and I.

Sunday, 28 June 2009

dear diary,

came home after a busy day out.

Rui Qi's 21st and Choon Yan's 21st.

enjoyed their birthday totally. really miss those secondary school days.

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i am distraught by what i saw on msn.

i won't hate her because i know she will be hurt eventually.

i won't hate her because she made me realize what has become of him.

love, yuan.

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i know i need to love myself more.

dear friends, please help me realize myself again.

i miss talking over the phone. do call me when you are free.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Today was a happy day until I return home at night.

I will update ABOUT the photos when I am free =/

Summary About My Day 24/06/2008

R sent me to work! Gosh what a pleasant surprise! His dad came over to Geylang East Polyclinic and so he pop by to pick me up. How NICE!!

Even better, we went to Chin Swee to have breakfast. UPs. He treat me again.

R and Choon Kiat bought me to Bedok Macs bec R want to get the Charcoal Coca Cola Cups. R want to have lots of cups of the same colour so that he can use it for party purposes.

"Would you like to have free upsize? I pay the 50 cents and take the cup?"

We need more plastic bags to hold the cups!!

Happy R. He is damn damn funny.

R is so cute that the Macs auntie gave him the original box to fit in his cups.

Box full of cups! Our achievement for R.

So in total he has 36 Charcoal Coca Cola Cups. totally rocks.

Photos from Golf tournament

I feel that this shot is the best shot of myself. R took it. Damn UPs... I looked really happy.

Best colleague ever!

Poser. My shot!

R always try to sneak and take unglam photos of me. Okay I think he more unglam.

The uncle who kept calling me beautiful lady. Hahaha.

CK! (My bro's age, I want him to be my brother!!), Amos (The almost perfect guy) & AJ

Performer of the night. Rocks. WS sang damn well (the smiling guy)

In conclusion, I never have so much fun in a day.

And today really rocks. I have to say R brightens up my day as my colleague. He is like Mr Happy. Always happy. Seriously.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

tuesday blues?

was really busy at work. too tired to like it.

got pang seh by an old friend. suppose to watch ghost of girlfriends' past.

ignored by another.

ass.

ARGHHHHH. can't wait for my hair to dry so that i can sleep and pass this day!

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Hi

He left for Australia yesterday.

It was painful but... After the shock that I had when I learned about some thing, it made me realized that there is really nothing else I can do already. I don't have much regrets because I have shown how much I really do love him.

All else failed.

I only sense the loving him during his last day in Singapore.

That happened yesterday.

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Friday, I was quite happy and excited to return to office to work. Why? I want to meet my boss. He can temporary free me of my troubles.

There was this golf tournament which happened at the Orchid Country Club. The tournament is to raise funds for the needy union workers.

At first I was worried that my boss is not going to bring me there to help out. Luckily he brought me there.

I think he is damn zai. He is just an event secretary but he did so much!! Gosh I can't imagine the pressure that he had for the past few days. He totally rocks.

Anyway he fetched 3 girls (including myself). He went to chinatown and geylang to pick up goods first.

He drove dangerously fast.

I was sitting in front somemore. He speed! 130km/hour... Gosh totally freak me out.

He said he probably kana speeding ticket lo.

Anyway, the highlight of the day was... I rode the bungy with him.

He held his camera to shoot photos of the golfers while I drive the bungy.

Haha he said, "Fun not? Damn romantic right?"

Hahaha. Yup.

He totally reminds me of Charles, with a hint of Zhi Yang.

I received a phone call from SS. She said she want to send him off...

After I put down the call, my boss almost immediately know that the "him" was my ex.

He told me to go send him off. Before I left, boss told me,
"Remember, don't cry ar :) ".

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I did not cry when he left. I have mixed feelings at that moment.

I feel glad that he told me about some things and I could still trust him in the future.

However, I won't know how to treat him or view him as.

We can never be friends.

I guess, what happened, is sufficient for me to rest my mind and try to let him go bit by bit.

The day before, I was with him at his home. His mother told me that I deserve better. I teared, she teared. I told her I will miss her. Nai nai saw our actions. Held my hand and asked why did I cry, I told her I will miss her. She told me to visit her sometimes or call her...

With tears, I didn't nod.. What I thought was...

If I return, I am afraid that I want to be part of their family again.

I really love his family almost as much as I love him.

---------------------------------------------------------

With that, I finally tear.

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I can't wait for Monday to come.

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

i really love someone

can you, as my friend, support me and help me?

friends? i think i have many. but who really want my company?

i am fading in the background. i know that but i can't help it.

i don't know how to converse with the people there.

i spoke a few words... but the people cannot hear me.

i really really love someone

i really love him so much i wish someone could actually support me

help me tell him how much i really do love him

i never tell any of you, how i felt

because i know your responses..

i can only keep quiet

till i really don't know how to express my emotions

bad headache.

Thursday, 28 May 2009

great day at work.

traveled to 5 sheng siong outlets today with R.

he taught me a lot once again.

the greatest thing that happened to me this month is being R's intern.

no one ever teach me so many useful skills in my entire life so comprehensively.

like my parents can only nag and nag and nag. criticize and think that i will accept.

however, he will warn if i said something wrongly, praise me for working hard and asked me to stay positive.

though he is a freaking smoker, he is a great nanny, teacher and friend.

as much as i want to try to do something about his habit... there's really nothing much i can do.

9 years of smoking habit.

every day i return home... i feel sad. it feels like i'm back to reality.

my heart aches. i want to cry.

reasons? nobody knows them but me. i don't want to tell anyone anyway.

training... i have no motivation.

looking at how the rest train. looking at how the training is being carried out.

even the seniors no longer support us.

i just feel really unhappy training. i don't know why the fuck i am there.

i don't feel appreciated. absolute no sense of belonging.

decisions are made without my understanding. so what if i miss the hearing, i have the right to know the matter when the decisions are made.

if the team morale don't change, i won't join again.

5 days a week. every day i look forward to work. though tough but fulfilling.

i love my job.